Regretted Vow
by Cat O'Hara Butler
Summary: What would have happened had Charles Hamilton never died?  What would Scarlett's life have been like?  Would she have ever been with Rhett?  Or would her live have taken a completely different turn?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot; everything else goes to Margaret Mitchel.

Chapter I

"Don't cry Dear, I'll be back in just a couple of weeks, and then we can go on our honeymoon and move to Atlanta and we will live happily forever." Charles Hamilton told his young wife Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton as they stood on the station platform before he boarded his train that would take him to the rest of his company. They stood there with his sister Melanie Wilkes and her husband Ashley Wilkes, who was also preparing to leave for war.

Scarlett stood there on that April morning, thinking what a fool her husband was for believing she was crying over his leaving. That was the best part of this whole war was that she would be getting rid of him for a few weeks until this whole mess was over. What she was crying about was that the war was also taking her beloved Ashley away from her; Ashley, who was now married to her sister-in-law Melanie.

"I will try not to cry, Charles; for you." Scarlett said, hoping if she stopped the tears, he would leave already. She wanted to go home and be away from him. It worked. He kissed her cheek gently and then turned and boarded the train, leaving her standing alone on the platform next to her new sister-in-law.

"Goodbye Charles! Goodbye Ashley!" Melanie called from beside Scarlett. She waved with her little white handkerchief as the train pulled away from the station, then she turned towards Scarlett. "Come Scarlett dear, let's get you home. You look so tired. You need to think of something other than Charles. He will be back soon and then you can be together again, just as Ashley and I will be together again soon too." Melanie took Scarlett's arm and began to lead her back to the carriage that would take her home.

"Oh will she never go away! I can't stand this mealy mouthed little brat anymore!" Scarlett thought to herself as Melanie lead her to the carriage. "Thank you Melly, I will go home and rest. I'm feeling quite tired. I think it will do me some good." Scarlett said sweetly as she looked down at Mrs. Wilkes from her place in the carriage. It was all she could do to not completely ignore Melanie Wilkes and tell Pork to get the carriage home as fast as he could. But, she had to be polite. She had to be a lady. So, Scarlett smiled the sweetest smile she could as she asked Pork to take her home and told Melanie that she would see her tomorrow before she left to go home to Atlanta.

The next day, Scarlett woke up late and went downstairs to the breakfast table. Everyone was already gone and the table cleared, so she then went to the kitchen.

"Mammy, could you make me a plate? I'm famished." Scarlett said as she entered the kitchen.

"Of course I can honey child." Mammy replied as she began to put food onto a plate for Scarlett before setting it in front of her at the table in the kitchen.

"Thank you Mammy." Scarlett said as she began to eat the food Mammy had prepared for her.

When Scarlett had finished eating, she returned to her room to prepare for going to town. Melanie was leaving today, and Scarlett, as her sister-in-law, was expected to see her off. She was none too excited about this, but at least it would get her out of the house for a while. Maybe she could go shopping while she was out. A new hat or a new pair of shoes would make her feel better.

When Scarlett arrived at the station, Melanie was already there, surrounded by a group of women saying goodbye. Scarlett walked over, pasting a smile on her face as she grew closer.

"Melly, are you sure you can't stay a little longer?" Scarlett asked sweetly as she stood next to Melanie. "I would love for us to become close like real sisters."

"Oh, Scarlett, I'm sorry but I must get home. Aunt Pitty needs me. You understand don't you? But as soon as this is all over, you and Charles will come to Atlanta and then we can be real sisters." Melanie smiled at Scarlett with all the love in her heart. She was so glad that Scarlett and Charles had married. She could tell that Scarlett truly made Charles happy.

"Alright, I understand Melanie; I look forward to the end of this blasted war now more than ever. Hopefully it will all be over soon so we can be sisters for real." Scarlett said, knowing that Melanie honestly believed every lie she was spouting. This really was too easy.

Two weeks later, the war was still underway. Scarlett had received numerous letters from her adoring husband; letters professing his love for her, and all the plans he was making for their future. Telling her of how much he missed her, and how, when the war was over, he would come home to her and he would make her happy. Letters that, had Scarlett not imagined were from Ashley, would have made her sick. She felt obligated to write him letters in return, but just couldn't manage to make them come out sounding so love-struck. The most she could manage was telling him how she wished he would come home soon. But, that seemed to be enough for him. If his letters were any indication, he never once suspected that she cared nothing for him, and was in fact, repulsed by him. Their wedding night, and the nights that followed, leading up to his departure a week later, were by far the worst of her life. How anyone could find that as enjoyable she wasn't sure. It felt degrading, and horrible. It hurt a great deal too. All she remembered was embarrassment and pain. That was another part of his returning that she was dreading.

Another two weeks passed and the letters were still the same. All full of plans for the future and of how much he loved her. Now though, Scarlett had something else to write her husband of. It had been 5 weeks since their wedding, and her menstrual bleeding hadn't come yet. Mammy and her mother said she was with child. This was not in Scarlett's plan the day she agreed to marry Charles. Her plan only included making Ashley jealous. It had nothing to do with babies. But, there was nothing she could do about it now, it was happening and she supposed Charles had a right to know of the impending birth of his child. So, Scarlett wrote him.

_Dearest Charles,_

_I have wonderful news for you. I am with child. Our child will be born in January, and I pray that you will be home safe by that time._

_With love,_

_Scarlett_

When Scarlett was finished with her letter, she sealed it and gave it to Pork to take to the post to be mailed.

A week later, there was a reply.

_My darling Scarlett,_

_This is wonderful news! I can't express to you how happy it makes me to learn of the news that you are with child. I am overjoyed! I too pray that I will be home in time for the birth of our baby. I am sure that I will be. Things here can't last much longer. The Yankees will surely give in soon when they see that they can't win this war. But I don't wish to talk of such things as war with you. You are far too delicate to hear of such affairs._

_I love you very much, please take the best care of yourself and the baby, and I will be home to you soon._

_With all my love,_

_Charles_

Scarlett rolled her eyes upon reading the letter, crumpling it up and throwing it to the floor. "...Too delicate to hear of such affairs". Just who did he think he was talking to? His sister? She wasn't some simpering little girl who was stupid and only said what she was told to day. She was Scarlett O'Hara. Her father had taught her well. She was smart and didn't need some man telling her what she could and couldn't talk about and understand.

**A/N:** So, I have had the idea for this story for a while, I just never wrote it; and since I was in a writing mood today, I just decided to go ahead and start it. What do you think so far?

~Cat~


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot; everything else goes to Margaret Mitchell.

Chapter II

Two days after receiving the letter from Charles in which he gushed about how excited he was about the upcoming birth of their child, Scarlett woke up with her stomach churning. She threw her head over the side of the bed, barely making it to the pot next to the bed for nighttime bathroom needs before her stomach hurled everything inside it, back up.

Scarlett continued to throw up for another five minutes before she was finally able to sit up again and wipe her mouth. "Stupid baby." She thought as her hand rested on her stomach.

For the days that followed, Scarlett continued to become ill every morning, and sleep in the afternoons. Her family was overjoyed that she was with child, and for the, as well as for her own reputation, she had to put on a face of complete joy. The women who came to visit wanted to do nothing but talk of babies, and how it would be such a wonderful thing to have a new baby at Tara. Scarlett smiled and nodded, all the while wanting to run out of the room screaming at them to shut up. Her only time of comfort was at night, when she was by herself, and she could imagine that the child growing inside her womb was Ashley's, and that he would be coming home to her and their child. Her daydreams and muses were here only comfort now.

The letters continued to come from Charles, always loving and always supportive. He would talk of how he missed her still, and how he wished he could be there to see her belly swollen with their child. He would ask her what she spent her days doing. He asked how she was feeling. Sometimes, he would mention the war and his activities. When he did, he mostly mentioned his commanding officer and what a wonderful man he was and how he wanted to be like him. Wade Hampton was the model Captain in Charles' eyes.

By October, Scarlett was clearly showing, her stomach swollen out in front of her. She was miserable and her back hurt. She always needed to go to the bathroom, and she was hot. Even with three months still to go in her pregnancy, Scarlett was ready for it to be over. She wanted this horrid baby out of her so she could go back to being the beautiful girl with the tiny waist again.

In November Melanie came to visit her, much to Scarlett's dismay.

"Why Scarlett, you look beautiful." Melanie said as she enveloped Scarlett in her arms.

"I look fat, Melly. I'm huge and my back hurts. I don't know what women see so wonderful about this." Scarlett said. She was overly crabby today, and having Melanie come here and tell her lies wasn't helping her at all.

"Oh, but Scarlett, this is what you're supposed to look like. Babies are such miracles. Besides, when you hold your little baby in your arms, it will all be worth it. I just wish…. That is, you're such a lucky woman to have gotten with child so quickly. I know Charles is so happy. The baby is all he talks about in his letters."

"Yes, I know. How much longer do you suppose this war will go on, Melly?"

"Charles always says that he doesn't think it will last much longer, but Ashley seems to feel differently. He doesn't see the war ending until next year sometime." Melanie sighed heavily. "I was hoping they would be home for Christmas, but the Cause is more important that having them home for Christmas. They will be home next year I'm sure."

"How is Ashley, Melly? Is he alright? He's not been wounded or ill?" Scarlett had been dying to ask how he was since Melanie had first walked through the door, but she knew she couldn't ask until he had been brought into the conversation by Melanie.

"He's quite well. It's so sweet of you to worry about him like that."

"I'm glad he's well. I would hate for anything to happen to him."

Melanie smiled and hugged Scarlett tight. She was so glad to finally have the sister she had always wanted.

December came and Scarlett was even more miserable than she had been before. Her stomach was to the size that doing anything was difficult. She never got any sleep, she waddled instead of walked, her back felt like breaking at any given moment, her feet and hands were swollen, the baby was constantly kicking her and moving around and it hurt sometimes. She was very ready for this whole thing to be over and done with and then she could never have to feel like this again. She was determined to tell Charles, as soon as he arrived back from this blasted war, that she wanted no more children. She would tell him that she was happy with the child they had, and that she didn't want to spoil their family by adding any more children. If she knew anything about mild little Charles, he would agree to keep her happy. Especially if she put her foot down and got angry with him. Yes, she was having no more children after this. No child was worth this kind of pain and misery. She was tempted to just write Charles and tell him of her decision, but she thought that maybe this was something better discussed where he could see her face and know that she was serious. Scarlett also wanted this agreement, because no more children meant no more embarrassing nights spent in bed with her husband. She could keep her dignity this way, as well as keep her sanity. Besides, if she wasn't going to have Ashley's children, what good was having children? Ashley would be the only exception to her decision. If she could have Ashley's children, it would all be worth it.

**A/N: **What do you think of this new chapter? Please review and let me know how I'm doing. =D

~Cat~


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I only own my plot; everything else goes to Margaret Mitchell.

Chapter III

It was January 21st and Scarlett was laying in her bed, highly uncomfortable. She had been in a lot of pain that afternoon and evening, her stomach feeling tighter than normal at times. She had been experiencing this on and off for a couple of months now, but this time, it wasn't going away as easily. Now, she felt intense pain in her lower back and abdomen. The pain was so strong at times that she wanted to cry. Prissy had begun sleeping on a pallet on the floor in Scarlett's room two weeks before, so that in the event Scarlett went into labor during the night, she could get Mammy and Mrs. O'Hara. When the pain was there more than it wasn't, Scarlett yelled at Prissy, waking her up and telling her to go and get her mother. As Scarlett's mother entered the room, closely followed by Mammy, she knew that tonight was the night, that within hours Scarlett would give birth to her first child.

"Mother… I don't want to do this." Scarlett said, looking up at her mother.

"I'm sorry my dear, but this is a natural part of life, it's not really so bad. The joy of holding your baby will make all of this worth it, I promise."

"I'm not having any more children after this."

"Oh sweetheart, all women say that at first, but once you're holding your little one, you will want another. They grow up so quickly."

"No, I'm quite sure I will never want another one. I'm going to tell Charles as soon as this damned war is over and he comes home."

"Alright dear." Ellen O'Hara said, humoring her daughter. "Mammy, did you sent Prissy down to boil some water and bring up some clean cloths?"

"Yes'um. I sho did." Mammy replied.

"Thank you, Mammy." Ellen said, still looking at her daughter and holding her hand. "I don't think it will be too much longer now, Scarlett. You will be holding your baby by morning."

"That's hours from now!" Just then, another contraction hit and Scarlett's face became covered with a look of pain and she clenched her teeth trying to not scream and wake he whole house, making it obvious what was going on.

"Mama always told me if'n yous put a knife under the bed it cuts the pain in two." Prissy said as she walked back into the room carrying some clean cloths.

"Thank you, Prissy." Mrs. O'Hara said, nodding to a table where Prissy was to place the cloths.

The time ticked by, Scarlett wanted it all to be over. She wanted the pain to go away and this damned baby to be out of her already. Sometime, in the wee hours of the morning, January 22nd, Scarlett's water broke and her labor intensified. Just an hour later she was holding her son in her arms.

Wade Hampton Hamilton was the spitting image of his father, even as a brand new baby. Scarlett had hoped that, once born, he would look more like her than his father and that she would be able to, if only for a short time, continue imagining that the child in her arms was Ashley's not Charles'. But, upon looking at the face of her son, she knew that would never happen. He was clearly his father's son.

Before she could stop herself, Scarlett began to cry.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot, everything else goes to Margaret Mitchell.

Chapter IV

"Dear Charles,

You have a son, born yesterday morning just before dawn. He looks like you with large brown eyes and light brown hair. His name is Wade Hampton after the commanding officer you've written so much of. I thought you would approve of that name as we never talked of a name in our letters.

Stay safe,

Scarlett"

Scarlett sighed as she blotted and folded the paper, and then slipped it into an envelope to mail the next day. She hadn't wanted to write Charles, but knew it was only right to tell him of his son's arrival.

The baby had so far been a quiet infant. He wasn't much trouble to Scarlett, partly because he was just a good baby, and partly because Mammy and Ellen took care of him a great deal of the time. Scarlett hadn't moved from her bed more than to use the chamber pot since he had been born. She barely spoke to anyone, ate when food was brought to her, and fed her son when he was put in her arms. The rest of the time, she fought back tears. Everyone thought they were tears of sadness that Charles wasn't there to see their son, and Scarlett let them believe that, because to explain that her tears were because Charles was the father of her son; that Ashley had married another woman and she had so stupidly married Charles just to make him jealous, would mean admitting that she didn't want to be married to Charles, and that wasn't acceptable. And so, Scarlett lay in bed, crying and sleeping, and Mammy and Mrs. O'Hara took care of her new baby.

Three weeks later Scarlett received a letter from Charles, full of praise for her and telling her how happy he was about their son. He continued to gush about how much he loved and missed her, and how the war would be over in 'just a couple weeks' and then he would be heading home to her and now, their son as well.

The same as Scarlett did with all the other letters she got from Charles, Scarlett crumpled it up and tossed it and the envelope into the fire, watching the flames eat up the paper as it disintegrated into ashes.

That day she also received a letter from Charles' sister, Melanie. Melly was also Ashley's wife and Scarlett hated her. In the letter she asked Scarlett to bring the baby and come see her as soon as she could, that she missed her 'new sister' and wanted to spend more time with her. At first Scarlett crumpled the letter to throw it into the fire with the previous massive she had gotten, but something stopped her. She thought about it, and realized that if Ashley were to get a leave, if even for a few short days, he would go to Atlanta to be with his wife, and if she were there as well, then she would get to see him! A smile broke out across Scarlett's face and she called to her mother.

"Mother, Melly wants me to bring Wade and come see her. I know she will want to meet her new nephew, so I was hoping that I could leave next week for Atlanta to stay with her and her Aunt Pitty Pat."

"Why of course dear, I will go make all the necessary arrangements right now. And I will send Mammy up to help you pack." Ellen O'Hara said, smiling. She was so very glad to not only see her daughter out of bed, but wanting to go somewhere and get excited about something. Her smile widened as she went down the stairs to make the plans for her daughter's trip.

A few minutes later, Mammy ambled into Scarlett's room and looked at her suspiciously. Mammy was the one person who knew Scarlett's true nature, and would call her out on it. She was also the only one who knew, and yet continuously loved Scarlett to the fullest of her ability. Oh, Scarlett's parents loved her, but in a way, they were blind to her devious and selfish ways. They didn't see that their oldest daughter was manipulative and conniving as well as smart and quick. And she was happy letting them live in their delusion.

"You's jes git in trouble in Lanta." Mammy said, as she looked at Scarlett, sitting on her bed running her fingers through her hair.

"_What trouble are you talking about?" _Scarlett asked looking up at Mammy with her big green eyes.

"_You know what trouble I's talkin' 'bout. I's talking 'bout Mr. Ashley Wilkes. He'll be comin' to Atlanta when he gets his leave, and you sittin' there waitin' for him, just like a spider. He belongs to Miss Melanie…" _Mammy continued to glare at Scarlett, knowing exactly what was going through her young girl's head.

"_You go pack my things like Mother said!" _Scarlett snapped, looking back to her hands in her lap.

Mammy shook her head and went about packing Ms. Scarlett's things, knowing that this wasn't a good idea at all.

"Dear Charles,

I am going to stay with your Aunt and Sister in Atlanta, and we leave tomorrow. Melanie wished to see Wade Hampton and I'm so tired of staying cramped in this house all day with him. If this war ends in a couple of weeks as you say, I will be with her in Atlanta, not at Tara.

Stay safe,

Scarlett"

When Scarlet finished writing and sealing this letter to Charles, she handed it to Pork to be mailed and went back to her room, all smiles at the prospect of possibly seeing Ashley.


End file.
